Thursday, September 30, 2010


I was blessed this morning to enjoy breakfast with a dear friend, with plenty of conversation as we were catching up on each others' lives. We talked about run of the mill "what's been going on" stuff, and other matters a little closer to the heart. This friend has been instrumental in the growth of my faith and the length of my marriage as well. However it seems that our lives tend to point us in directions away from each other. We discussed bible studies, and small groups, and sharing - the surface stuff and the deep stuff too. And it got me thinking, hence here I am at my computer with a million other things on my to do list and a little boy that desperately needs a nap (I can hear him softly snoring now on the couch).

We struggle with our relationships with others - do I smile as I walk past this person on the street (or even bother to look at them), do I wave to my neighbor, do I ask "how are you" in the hallway at church, do I share my prayer request with the other Teen MOPS leaders, do I dare get that personal? How much to I share? How deep do I go?

And we struggle with our relationship with God - do I pray just at meals, do I set aside 15 or 50 minutes daily to prayer, do I read His word and meditate on it, do I dare ask him to heal my broken heart, do I confess my sins and ask for forgiveness? How much do I say? How far do I go?

My girlfriend and I tend to only get together every other month these days, sadly. I love connecting with her, but all the other things in life just get in the way. Though we don't get to see each other much, we do tend to skip most of the surface stuff and skip right into "how have you really been, how's the marriage, how are you dealing with that" kind of stuff. We go deeper...but that's because we have that kind of relationship (10 years of trials). But still, I wish I could see her and connect more often. I wish we were closer. Like I said, she's a pretty important part of why I am where I am today.

So what about God? I have sunk into a very bad habit lately of praying at meals, a few times during the day to watch over a kid in my class, maybe while I am in the shower and thinking about something, or when one of my own children is frustrating me and I want God to fix him/her. But what about my bible time? When I'm looking something up, for a study or a Sunday School lesson. But not just to read what He has to say...and definitely no time meditating on His Word. Asking Him to heal my brokenness or confess my sins? Um...not so much.

I spoke with the AWANA kids last night, about prayer and the bible. Makes sense to talk about something I know I am struggling with too. And I told the kids that even us big people have a hard time doing what is right. We still need to talk to Him and read His Word, so that we can hide His Word in our heart and do what is right and good.

I'm challenging myself to go deeper this year, mainly with God. I want better than just what I used to have with Him...I want more! I want more than just to talk to Him and read His Word, but I want to HEAR Him in my life all the time. I feel like I haven't heard Him in quite a while...guess I need to spend more time LISTENING.